Performance/Installtion/Mix Media/Exhibition

 

This project is a journey I have taken filled with a vague sense of loss, a confusing nightmare of loss with noaccess to emotional closure. The installations and performance art I have created explore this experience. Since I was very young, my childhood was not filled with stories of princesses and knights, but more of knights devoured by evil dragons and those horrible nightmares. Whenever I lay in bed and woke up with nightmares, but I could barely get out of bed, I was tired of having nightmares every night. When I was 20
I lost my father and I realized that the real nightmares were actually real life. Now, I’ve decided to turn this painful experience into my armor against the harsh world outside. I know that maybe I can’t change these nightmares and the hurt they bring me, but these struggles have to be remembered only.

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Too many wars and haze in this world. I found myself fighting against the mainstream, against ideas, and finally against the people around me; refusing to disappear into the crowd of broken dreams, and refusing to blend in with others. Exiling myself has become a bulwark against a prefabricated reality, a shield to protect me. Growing old in a place of exile surrounded by loneliness, disappointment, and fear of the passage of time, accomplishing nothing but a broken self. Along the way, a fighting soul and a skeptical mind collide. Reality hits you hard, either you accept and change it or you reject it, and there is another way that you can create your path away from your predetermined role and identity.

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In the nightmare, I had been confined to a bathtub full of my own blood, while I was sucked by countless syringes, and I was curled up helplessly in the placenta-like but dead bathtub. No one outside could even hear my desperate cries for help, but I suspected that the pain was just an attempt to lure me into the depths of my own memories where I had always lost myself.

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These syringes are connected to fragments of dreams. They remind me of strong memories, feelings of loss, belonging and desire. These dreams are linked to my own spontaneous memories and imagery, they trigger a response to something in my past, intensifying a sense of loss, a fleeting disappearance. “I don’t know how to respond to this” underpins my work and my process of discovery, it exemplifies the experimental nature of blending various techniques into one work, there is no one answer to the difficulty of how to cope with grief and pain, we have deep and primal feelings that don’t need to be understood or defined, but rather felt and explored.

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My goal is to transform reality into an intense visual experience by using ready made objects to create aninstallation, and then combining the tools of set and construction to create a visual story based on real events and my own strong emotions, which can have a heavy emotional and intellectual impact on the viewer. I have tried to approach and document these subjects from an intimate distance with sincerity and without prejudice, in order to witness and capture my inner struggle to bring a very personal reality to the viewer. To make the viewer understand that what initially appeared to be controversial and condemned images were in fact responses to harsh dreams as well as reality. And that the beliefs, their images and appearance are a reflection of an inhumane and violent society.